100 Days of Transformation

Hello again my darlings! Sorry for the absence, things have been a little chaotic here. I have been struggling with some decisions that I needed to make. I watched this hilarious and eye opening Ted Talk about not giving a fuck. It made a lot of sense to me and made me question where I was giving my energy away that was not good for me. I am starting to feel a whole lot better about my life. Some of the decisions I have made are to leave my husband, to leave Norway and to stop Norwegian language classes. I wrestled with feelings of shame, disappointment, heartache, loneliness, fear and many others. I suffered with writers block at the time too. So I spent much of the time working through my feelings and for the past 26 days I have been utilizing the questions from 100 Days of Transformation. These are 100 questions that you reflect on and then write about in order to combat the chaos of the mind and start feeling grounded again. They are helping me to find myself again after all the pain of impending divorce, relocating back to the US, and of course, metastatic cancer. I have been struggling with what to do with my life since I am no longer working and on disability. I am a certified Life Coach, but have had no luck utilizing this certification in Norway. I am also taking a Reiki master course and hope to have that completed by April. Life is a never ending journey of self discovery! Take charge of your life and find your passion! There is life after a diagnosis.

Daily Sadhana

Today I will discuss my daily devotion, or sadhana, that I practice in the morning. Practicing a daily devotion is as important to me as breathing, so I try to practice every day. It fills me with not only joy, but also contentment. I draw my inspiration for my daily sadhana from Kundalini yoga and Buddhism. In future posts I will go into more depth of the inspirations I receive from yoga and Buddhism. I am also influenced by Hinduism in some parts of my daily devotion. I have read many texts about kundalini yoga, Buddhism and Hinduism. These eastern practices feel natural and energizing to me in many ways that western practices do not. I feel a connection to earth and all the people and animals and rocks, trees, etc.

Here are the guidelines for Sadhana from Yogi Bhajan:

Daily Sadhana
Practice before sunrise.
No meal before (can have a few almonds).
Take a cold shower.
Wear white or light colored clothes in natural fabrics.
Use a head covering.
Take 30 seconds or more between exercises to relax and be present.

1. Do some wake up exercises or Breath of Fire (in or out of bed) to get you going.
2. Take a cold shower (or end a warm one with cold) to stimulate blood flow to the capillaries.
3. Sit down on mat and take a few minutes to be silently present to your breath and feel the sensations in your body.
4. Tune in with the Adi Mantra 3 times: Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo
5. Do warm up exercises of your choice.
6. Perform your chosen kriya.
7. Deeply relax.
8. Meditate.
9. Enjoy silent time with yourself.
10. Conclude with a prayer, closing song*, and three long Sat Nams. (long on Sat, short on Nam)
11. Do some standing grounding exercises, if you wish.
12. Do some dancing or free form movement, if you wish.

*Closing song: May the long time sun shine upon you, All love surround you, and the pure light within you, guide your way on. 

Warm up Exercises:

1. Pelvis rotations, 26 rotations or 1-2 minutes each side
2. Spinal flex, 108 times or 1-3 minutes; to end: Inhale deeply, hold the breath, apply rootlock, exhale and relax.
3. Spinal flex on heels, 1-2 minutes
4. Neck rolls, at least 1 minute each side
5. Side twists (on heels), 1-2 minutes or 26 times; to end: Inhale, center, hold the breath, apply rootlock, exhale, relax and feel the energy circulate, especially at heart center.
6. Side bends (can be done standing), 26 times or 1-2 minutes.
7. Shoulder shrugs, 1-2 minutes; to end: Inhale up, hold the breath, apply rootlock, exhale and relax.
8. Cobra pose with long, deep breathing or Breath of Fire, 2-3 minutes; to end: inhale, hold the breath, pull energy up with rootlock. Exhale very slowly and come down one vertebra at a time. Relax 1-3 minutes.
9. Rock and Roll on spine, 1-2 minutes
10. Alternate leg stretches, spread legs wide, continue with powerful breathing 1-2 minutes each side.
11. Life Nerve (hamstring stretch) breathe long and deep or Breath of Fire, 1-2 minutes on each side; to end: inhale deeply and exhale several times, deepening stretch. Slowly come up. Bounce legs and switch sides. 
12. Cat Cow, 1-3 minutes; to end: inhale in saggy cow, hold, pull energy up the spine with rootlock. Exhale and relax on heels. Sit quietly and let the breath slow down. Feel the energy circulate. Concentrate on the 3rd Eye.
13. Bridge, 12 times up to 26 times; to end: Inhale up, hold the breath for ten seconds, pull in the navel and apply rootlock. Then relax down, stretching the legs out. Totally relax and feel the energizing effects of the exercise.
14. Deep Relaxation. 

Feelings, oh feelings...January 4th 2018

Hello all my lovelies! Today is a rough day for me. I am feeling a general dread that feels like a shroud over my head. I skipped my Norwegian class today as I was exhausted when I woke up this morning. I went back to sleep and slept a few more hours. After some reflection time, I have realized that seeing my soon to be ex-husband has hit me harder than I thought possible. It is tough to see someone who embodies your sense of failure day in and day out. So I need to come up with a way to deal with this negative feeling. It is no secret that I still love him, but we are not working in any way. My illness really shook me and I admit that I made some terrible mistakes that have profoundly affected the way we interact. What I find shocking is that there is really no way to deal with the feelings that come with a fatal diagnosis. Everything I tried seemed to make things worse. At first, I was just in shock, then the grief came. It hit me so hard, harder than anything had ever effected me before or since. I fell into a deep dark hole that I could not seem to get out of. I felt suicidal and nothing was worth living for. Then he decided to leave me to go on vacation during the absolute worst time for me. That hurt me even more deeply, and I have never forgiven him for that. I am not sure I can forgive him. But I need to, not for him, but for me. As Louise Hay wrote: The reality of true forgiveness lies in setting yourself free from the pain. I need to release the pain of obliterated expectations of my marriage, my life, my past, my future. This is the only way to really set myself up for success in the future. I need to let go, surrender, love myself, care for myself. This is simply what I must do to survive. The world can be an uncaring and harsh place, but seek peace and love inside and the world ceases to be so scary and hard. Know that I love you all and want the best for you! I just ask that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers so I can recover from this current nightmare existence.

https://www.louisehay.com/forgiveness/

Positive Word of the Day: Trusting 

Affirmation of the Day: There is always a new and better way for me to experience life. I forgive and release the past. I move into joy.

New Year Day 2018

Hello all my lovelies! Today is the beginning of a whole new year, filled to the brim with potential and love! I hope your New Years Eve festivities were super fun! I spent the evening with my wonderful son watching from the balcony and windows of our apartment the fantastic fireworks displays by the people of Oslo.

Positive Word of the Day: Fearless

fearless: adjective; showing a lack of fear
synonyms: bold, brave, courageous, intrepid, valiant, valorous, gallant, plucky, lion-hearted, stout-hearted, heroic, daring, dynamic, spirited, mettlesome, confident, audacious, indomitable, doughty

Affirmation of the Day: I am fearless.