Affirmation for the New Year

“Even now I Am feeling my heart being receptive to this wonderful moment, my day, my new year and my incredible life!”

December 31, 2017

Today I have spent some time reflecting on the past year and all the things I have accomplished and those that are yet not finished. It is that time of year, after the joyful surrender of Christmas and the headlong rush into the New Year, when we take the time to reflect and decide what, if any, resolutions we will make for the new year. I have several things going on at the end of an eventful year, that will continue on. Like the fight for my life against this disease that is doing its best to do me in. I am feeling stronger now that I have been off of chemotherapy and hormone treatment for 5 weeks. I am finally eating good again and have a lot more energy! I can feel my body is still weighed down from the heavy intake of chemo and hormone drugs, plus the allergy and sleeping pills I have been taking for so long. I want to do a full body detoxification soon, but am waiting until I feel a bit stronger and am sleeping naturally. I am thinking sometime in February will be the best. That will give me a 3 months off of chemo and hormone drugs and about 6 weeks off of sleeping and allergy pills!

Today I also made my very first Bullet Journal for 2018! I let my creative juices flow! It was simple after I figured out the layout.  As I get more familiar with the ideas out there, I will get more and more creative with it! Mine is a simple one like the one pictured below, except a lot more color, but still minimalistic, just like I like it!

I wish you and yours a very happy 2018! Be safe and lead with love! Happy New Year! 

You and only You!

"You can find your true identity within yourself. Nobody can find it for you. You must get up in the morning and find your true identity. You need time to be all by yourself, where there is nobody else. It will bring prosperity. Your radiant body will become brighter. There is no make-up that works to make you brighter, or for your character. You can try anything you want, but for character, you have to work with yourself. You must make your own path in your own life for your own prosperity and richness, and you have to be beautiful, bountiful and blissful. This the way God made you." - (Yogi Bhajan class lecture, December 1, 2001.)

Energizing Breath Meditation

Four Part Energizing Breath Meditation

• great way to start your daily Sadhana practice
• practice at strategic times: before meals, meetings, going home and between 3-4 pm to avoid late afternoon lag

How to do:

• Sit straight, have palms together at the heart center with fingers pointing up, focus eyes on brow with eyelids lightly closed.
• Inhale in 4 sniffs, filling lungs completely on the fourth sniff. Exhale in 4 sniffs, emptying the lungs on the fourth sniff. These sniffs should be in 4 equal parts.
• On each inhale/exhale, pull the navel toward the spine. Continue for 2-3 minutes.
• Pressing the hands very hard and vigorously for 1 minute will recharge you. If the mind has a lot of confusion or anxiety, add the mantra Sa-Ta-Na-Ma mentally on the inhale and exhale.

SA- Infinity

TA- Life

NA- Death

MA- Rebirth

• To end: inhale deeply, press the palms together with force for 10-15 seconds. Create a tension in the whole body by pressing as hard as you can. Hold as long as possible. Exhale powerfully and repeat the inhale, hold, press. Exhale, relax and allow the tension in the body to vanish. Rest on back with eyes closed for 2-5 minutes, breathe deep and stretch. Done!

Being Mindful

Everyone these days is talking about mindfulness, you hear it on the news, you see it in popular culture a lot now. What exactly is being mindful? Mindful means both being aware and being inclined to be aware. Paying attention to what is going on, both in the physical world and in your very own private world. People have been using this word in many ways as early as the 14th century. There are many benefits to being mindful. Awareness of your situation can shed new light on problems you encounter and how you react to these either positive or negative problems. Because where your power lies is in how you react to each situation. There are many ways to introduce mindfulness into your life. It can be as simple as noticing and appreciating your food as you eat it, brushing your teeth with awareness and concentration, or washing the dishes and noticing the water and soap suds as you clean. It can be as elaborate as religious rituals. You can also use mindfulness to help you cope with very stressful and traumatic experiences, with anxiety and depression, sleeplessness, and the daily aggravations of life. Mindfulness is a form of meditation, but it is helpful to add in a meditation practice each day. This does not have to be sitting up straight with your legs crossed for an hour or more. You can sit in a chair, lie on the floor or couch or bed. It is your choice. How do you relax easiest? For me it is lying down. I can sit crosslegged on a pillow for an hour, but then lying down is so much better.

Positive Word of the Day: Generous 

a : characterized by a noble or kindly spirit : magnanimous, kindly a generous heart

b : liberal in giving : openhanded a generous benefactor

c : marked by abundance or ample proportions

wide overhangs and generous verandas —Lewis Mumford

d : copious

a thin salt-and-pepper moustache interrupted by a generous nose —Richard Zabel

— generously adverb

— generousness noun

Affirmation of the Day: “I am a channel of peace, unconditional love, happiness, generosity, kindness, and positivity!”

Unwavering

Greetings oh lovely ones!

Today's word of the day: Unwavering

Unwavering: not wavering; steady or resolute.
"she fixed him with an unwavering stare"
synonyms: steady, fixed, resolute, resolved, firm, steadfast, decided, unswerving, unfluctuating, unhesitating, unfaltering, unvacillating, untiring, tireless, unflagging, indefatigable, persistent, unyielding, relentless, unremitting, unrelenting, sustained, inexorable, unshakeable
"she fixed him with an unwavering stare"


Affirmation of the day: I am strong and confident!

After yesterdays affirmation and positive word of the day, I decided to beautify myself. I know, I know, I know, beauty comes from within. It does help to be able to look in the mirror and at least see someone you kind of recognize staring back at you. I have never really been one for lots of makeup and fancy clothes (I do love nice things though), but I have decided to feel my best, I can start with looking my best. I still have a way to go in the looking my best, but I want to try. My hair is just starting to grow back and it is curly and salt and pepper gray. It is a hot mess, actually. I received a haircut a week or so ago, but it looks exactly the same, only shorter.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my oncology nurse signed me up for a program called Look Good, Feel Better put on by the American Cancer Society. It was an interesting program where I learned how to draw on eyebrows and use fake eyelashes. I hated the fake eyelashes, but loved that I could make myself look better even though physically I felt terrible. Self image is important to everyone, but especially to cancer patients. The toll chemotherapy takes on your body shows up in your face and hands. One day, several weeks into my treatment, I looked in the mirror and literally did not recognize myself. It was an unnerving moment.

Love, love, love!

In order to promote positivity and love in my life I am starting a positive word of the day each day and a loving affirmation to recite to yourself or tell others! Here goes!

December 11th, 2017 Word of the Day: gorgeous
adjective
1. beautiful; very attractive.
"gorgeous colours and exquisite decoration"
synonyms: good-looking, attractive, nice-looking, handsome, lovely, beautiful, pretty, as pretty as a picture, stunning, striking, arresting, prepossessing, winning, fetching, captivating, bewitching, beguiling, engaging, charming, charismatic, enchanting, appealing, delightful, irresistible; More
informal
2. very pleasant or enjoyable.
"the weather was gorgeous"
synonyms: excellent, marvellous, superb, very good, first-rate, first-class, wonderful, delightful, outstanding, exceptional, magnificent, splendid, superlative, matchless, peerless

Affirmation of the Day: I am gorgeous and healthy!

Beauty Affirmations

Today, I choose love! Love for myself, love for my body, love for everyone in the world. I used to live in love, but now I find myself being mired in a depression that can be overwhelming. But I want to change how I feel. I choose to love myself exactly where I am at in life. I choose to love all those around me. I choose to send out love with all of my communications, whether online or in person.

Friday! Friday! Friday!

Hello Everyone! I hope your day is going well. Today has been a fairly good day. Some of you have expressed an interest in what I eat on a daily basis and other health and wellness activities. So here goes!

On a good day, one in which I have enough energy, I like to workout. Usually I take either a strength training class with weights or pilates and my cardio of choice is spinning. I try every day to practice yoga, either kundalini or hatha. I have tried the yoga classes at the gym, but they are too demanding for my limited abilities and too damn long. I can usually practice yoga for 30-45 minutes, but yoga flow classes challenge my weak arms and shoulders just a bit too much. Especially in light of the double mastectomy I had a little over two years ago.

A typical day of food for me is oatmeal or a smoothie, however, I like to mix things up a bit and make chia seed pudding every once in a while. Warning, if you eat chia seeds, and do not soak them first, you MUST drink a lot of fluid, they can dehydrate you because they suck up liquid many more times than their own weight. I eat a ton of fruit and veggies, which makes sense when you consider that I am vegan! I eat mostly raw fruits and veggies. I also juice cruciferous veggies like cabbage, cauliflower and broccoli. I love fermented foods as well and try to incorporate them into my diet daily to maintain good gut bacteria. Lunch and dinner are usually soups or a salad, but many times I will also make kitchari, an Indian rice and mung/lentil beans. It is very versatile and can be spiced up and veggies added. It is excellent for cancer patients as it is very easy on the digestive system.

Tonight I am making one of our all time favorite recipes from the Crazy Sexy Wellness Program by Kris Carr: Lentil Walnut Crumble for tacos. However, I am substituting walnuts with pumpkin seeds. Before dinner I will make grape and lemon juice. So delicious and so good for you! My favorite juice and great for after working out. This is just a tiny snapshot of what I do, so more will come later! Today my exercise program was walking on the treadmill for 40 minutes, then 20 minutes of stretching. Tomorrow I will take a pilates class in the morning! Keeping in shape and working your body is so important for people with cancer, did you know that exercise is the number 1 way to get your lymphatic system moving? The lymphatic system does not have a pump like the heart does for blood, so you must move and sweat to keep yourself healthy! This is for everyone, but especially for people with cancer. Move your beautiful body! I also take a sauna every day and use a castor oil pack nightly. I will elaborate on these topics in the future! I have so much to share with all of you! Please leave a comment and share! Because sharing is caring! Much love and peace to you all!

Cleansing the Body!

Hello everyone! Today I started the process to cleanse my body from the chemotherapy and hormone treatments. I have had only fresh fruit and veggies with some clean tahini dressing and peanut dip. The next two weeks I will continue the same routine. Sorry I did not get this posted yesterday. Had a busy and productive day. I will keep on with my cleanse of clean foods. It is now 06.45  and I just completed my morning yoga routine and will start posting a positive word and mantra today.

Here is today's positive word: miraculous
Here is today's mantra: I am loved and loving

May you all have the most wonderful day yet in what is undoubtedly a miracle filled life. Later today after my class, lunch and nap, I will post some more!

You are love! I am love! We are all love! So love!

Tests and Tests!

When you have metastatic cancer you must endure all kinds of invasive tests. Today I had an MRI of my heart and a CT Scan of my entire body except head, legs and arms. Every three months I have a CT scan and a heart EEG and ultrasound. This is due to the Herceptin which can be very hard on one's heart. Adding to the discomfort, I have to have all my tests during the peak hours at the hospital and have to have a special line put in to my port in my right chest. The super crappy thing about it all is that it takes up so much of my day. But I have to. This is really the only way I can know what is going on with the tumors. Thankfully I feel much better today than I felt the week and a half. The last two days have been so stressful as I had too much nausea and vomiting. But since I am not getting anymore chemotherapy or hormone treatment these side effects should subside in time. I do miss going to the gym and taking classes. It can also be so stressful taking the two buses I need to get to the hospital outside of Oslo.

Thankfully, my son went with me today. What would have been a lonely day was made brighter by having someone I care so much about with me. He has been here a little over a month now and has already found a job. He is just waiting for his work visa appointment at UDI (Norwegian Immigration). He is a chef and very talented. He found work at a very nice restaurant in Oslo and is working on the line. He is the only one on the line that does not have a culinary degree. I am ever so proud of him.

I feel really blessed today. Even though things are not exactly how I would like them to be. Sunday I will be going on a three day cleanse. I need to detox my body from all the drugs and radioactive materials that have been injected into me. After the cleanse I will progress into some other cleanses for specific organs. The rest of December will be dedicated to cleaning up my polluted body. I will post what I am going to do every day! I hope you like this and please share and leave a comment if you feel inclined! All my love!

Vlog #1 of Life with Metastatic Cancer

Smile...Laugh...Live

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Life and Death

Life...Death...what is in between these two things? For me it is a debilitating depression that seeks to destroy everything. Pills do not work, therapy does not work, positive thinking does not work. I have tried all these and so much more. Eat right, watch funny movies and shows, read inspiring stories and books. So many people feel the same way that I do. The blackness comes no matter what else is going on. I cry even when I see something beautiful. I am crying right now. For so many of us, life is so very difficult. Even though I have a nice, warm house to live in, food to eat and nice clothes to wear, I feel so lost. I know that so many others feel this way too. Why, then, do we all feel so alone?

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night crying in my sleep. I have suffered from depression most of my life. I also think I have PTSD (undiagnosed) due to all the emotional trauma I have been through. So many people are emotionally repressed. This makes it difficult to even see the depression. I am an empath, so I feel others pain, so much that it can be damn overwhelming at times. Add to this a terminal illness and it is a recipe for disaster. It would be so much easier if there were more people talking about the toll a terminal illness puts on the one dying, but also about the toll it takes on the family as well. All this taboo nonsense about keeping your emotions locked away is so outdated, but people do not change so easily, even when it is the best thing for them and everyone else. Why do friends walk away with no word? Why does family turn their back? Why do spouses refuse to understand? Why do people tell you to stop being so emotional?

Do people really think I want to have depression? No one wants depression...no one wants to be suicidal. But people are so wrapped up in their own dramas they cannot see past their own nose. It hurts to feel so alone and unwanted. I try my best to be a great friend, yet it yields me nothing but sadness. Where did my best friend go? Why did she turn her back on me? All I did was get sick. Is it that being around sick people scares healthy people so much? This four year journey with cancer has been its own kind of hell. I would not wish this on anyone.

But, all is not lost. I have attempted suicide twice in the last 3 years. Yet, I am still here. I try to smile through the physical and emotional pain. I try to be funny and sweet. But, the truth is, I spend and have spent the hardest times alone.